The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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