Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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