when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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