what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
