dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
