I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
