at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
