Don't you send me to vm
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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