Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
