i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
