Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
