i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
