Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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