I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize