What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I AM VODKA MAN
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
