Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
please don't ironically join a cult
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