You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize