Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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