I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My life is pants optional.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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