Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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