My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
