I just made out with a guy for $7.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
