if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
