Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
