Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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