We named our party play list daddy issues
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize