It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
