some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize