it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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