This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
