Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
