Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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