I'm going to jail i love you
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she peed on how many people?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
