It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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