i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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