dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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