vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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