BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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