so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's Friday. Sex?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
