Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
