just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
