it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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