Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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