you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
