who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
