He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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