but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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