my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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