I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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