Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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