I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
