is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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