8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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