I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
