Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize