im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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