Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize