Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize