did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
