Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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