dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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