If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
