As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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