ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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