i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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