OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
