Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
