I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
