This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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