Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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