He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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