my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
