What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We are all done wearing pants today
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
