New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
