So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
4 words: hood of his car
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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