Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
