I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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