oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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