you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
