I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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