This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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