can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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