i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
